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这篇雅思作文能得多少分?写跑题没?

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这篇雅思作文能得多少分?写跑题没?
Staying healthy by playing sports and eating well
should be an individual’s duty to society rather than a habit for personal benefits.To
what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, nothing
is more significant than an individual’s health. Everyone consists of this
society individuals live in, so everyone has the responsibility to remain
healthy through exercise and proper diet rather then a custom for themselves. I
tend to believe this view.

In modem society,
individuals would be well-advised to do exercise and form an appropriate eating
habit in order to contribute to the society. Keeping do exercise can help
individuals remain a strong body and form a favorable figure. Individuals who
are under the work-related stress can reduce stress and anxiety through do
sports everyday. After doing exercise, individuals can work more efficiently
and energetically. Furthermore, the government would be well-advised to
encourage individuals to exercise regularly in order to form a healthy
atmosphere in society. Individuals also would be well-advised to maintain a
healthy and balanced diet. They would be well-advised to have more home-cooked.
Some food, however ,contain chemical additives which pose health risks to
individuals in markets. Thus, the government would be well-advised to promote
healthy lifestyles among young people.

Some people,
however think a habit for themselves is more important than that. This is their
own lives so they rove the right to decide what they want to do and maintain
the habit which is benefits for them. They can enjoy this benefits and have a
comfortable life.

To conclude, from
what has been discussed above. I tend to believe that individuals have the
responsibility to keep healthy through doing exercise and having an appropriate
eating habit. They are not only benefit to the development of society but good
for their personal health.
同学,你的这篇作文应该得不了太高的分数,目测大约4.5或者5.0。可以说写跑题了。最大的问题是文章的逻辑和观点不清楚。作文是从四方面评分的:完成度、词汇来源、语法多样性与正确度、流利和逻辑性。完成度:没有很...